MAL

Paul?  Paula?

PAUL

We didn’t need two Chinese pandas.

PAULA

They bit Paul.

PAUL

And then they died.

PAULA

They shouldn’t have been in our back yard.

PAUL

They should have stayed in China, where they belonged.

PAULA

And the airplane.

PAUL

I didn’t know how to fly it.

PAULA

And I’m afraid of flying.

PAUL

Anyhow, where were we going to go in it?

PAULA

We sold it.  We sold everything.

PAUL

And we gave the money away.

PAULA

To orphaned children.  To cancer research.

            (Pause.)

MAL

Well, that’s wonderful. You’re wonderful people. I wish there were more people like you. What are you complaining about?

PAUL

Last time when we were on the show…

PAULA

When we won all those things and all that money...

PAUL

At the end, after we had won...

PAULA

You kissed me, Mal.

            (Pause.)

MAL

I always do that.  It’s part of the show.  It’s part of the act.

PAUL

She couldn’t forget it, Mal.

PAULA

It wasn’t an ordinary kiss.

MAL

For me it was!

PAULA

I thought there was something more to it.

PAUL

We were going through a bad time in our marriage.

PAULA

After seven years, we were both getting restless.

PAUL

Paula had some emotional problems, and...

PAULA

I quit my job when we won all that money.

PAUL

She just sat home, watching TV.

PAULA

I got bored.  I started drinking.

PAUL

She kept thinking about that kiss.

PAULA

I started writing to you, Mal.

MAL

You did?  I never got any letters.

PAULA

I know. At first they just sent me pictures of you. Autographed pictures.  So I wrote again.

PAUL

It became an obsession.

PAULA

I’d watch the show, see you kissing other women, and I’d get jealous.

PAUL

Then they must have started reading the letters she was sending.

PAULA

They were love letters.

PAUL

They said if she didn’t stop writing they’d take legal action.

PAULA

Looking back on it, I guess I was crazy.

PAUL

I finally took her to see a psychiatrist, and she got help.

PAULA

They put me on medication.

PAUL

But not before she’d tried to kill herself.

PAULA

Twice.

MAL

I’m sorry to hear it.

PAUL

She’s all better now.

PAULA

But being on this show did me a lot of damage.

PAUL

And me, too.  I had to live with her.

PHIL

The four of us met in a therapy group.

PHYLLIS

“Survivors of Game Shows.”

PHIL

We told each other our stories.

PAUL

We became friends.

PAULA

We promised that, if we were ever asked back on the show...

PHYLLIS

We would do this. We would tell everybody what it’s really like.

            (Pause.)

MAL

Jerry?

JERRY (off)

Sorry, Mal, but Phil and Phyllis and Paul and Paula are saying something important. They deserve to be heard.