ACTOR stands downstage.  DIR, PROD in audience.

PROD

What do you think?

DIR

Right build.  Right features.

ACTOR

Want me to do something?

(Pause.)

PROD

Not sure I like the mouth.

DIR

Why not?

PROD

Corners go down.  Like there’s a tendency to frown.

DIR

Can you smile?

(ACTOR smiles.)

PROD

More teeth?

(ACTOR shows more teeth.)

DIR

Good enough?

PROD

Long as it comes naturally.

ACTOR

It does.

DIR

You would consider yourself basically a happy person?

ACTOR

Absolutely.

(Pause.)

Is there anything else you want me to do?

DIR

What I like are the eyes.

PROD

What do you see in them?

DIR

Friendly.  Inviting.  Intelligent.  They’re follow me eyes.

PROD

You’ve got follow me eyes.

ACTOR

Thanks.

DIR

Excuse me.  Could you raise your hand?

ACTOR

Which one?

DIR

Right.

(ACTOR raises his right hand.)

Not so high.  Lower.  Level with your face.

(ACTOR complies.)

Index and middle finger up, thumb touching ring finger, other hand over heart.

(ACTOR complies.  Long pause.)

What do you think?

PROD

Too corny.

DIR

The image.

PROD

It’s not what we want.

ACTOR

If you want me to do something else...

DIR

It’s not you.  It’s the pose.  You can relax.

(ACTOR relaxes.)

PROD

Anyhow, if we were going that way he’d have to grow a beard.

ACTOR

I can grow a beard.

PROD

No beard.

(Pause.)

DIR

He’s the best we’ve seen so far.

PROD

I liked the other one, too.  The redhead.  What’s his name.

DIR

Yeah...

Should we hear him speak?

PROD

Why not.

DIR

Excuse me.  Can you speak?

ACTOR

Sure.  Anything in particular?  Modern?  Classical?

PROD

We have a text for you.

(PROD hands ACTOR a sheet of paper.)

DIR

Take a minute to look it over if you’d like.

ACTOR

I can do it cold.

PROD

Whenever you’re ready, then.

(ACTOR briefly prepares, then begins.)

ACTOR

Hey kids!  Got a minute?  I’ve got something to tell you that you’re really going to like.  But first.  Can I ask you a question?  Are your mommy and daddy home?  If they are, change the channel, because they’re not going to like this.  They’ll turn off the television and tell you never to watch me again.  And I want you to watch me.  What’s more,  you’re going to want to.  Now.  If they’re not home, if you’re home alone...  I know how you feel.  I was a latchkey kid too.  Parents working.  Or maybe they’re working out at the gym.  Or out to dinner.  Doing something fun, without you.  What do you think of that?

They don’t love you.  Not like I love you.

DIR

Thank you.

ACTOR

I can go on.

PROD

That’ll be enough for now.

(PROD takes the paper back from ACTOR.

Long pause.)

ACTOR

Is that all?  Can I go?

DIR (to PROD)

What do you think?

                    (LIGHTS OUT.)